Voice journals I have recorded via voicenotes.com…
Sometimes its earlier for me to speak and get my spoken word dictated than it is to actually do a blog with “pen in hand” I get so caught up on everything being perfect, I forget to just do it. Time will make it all close to perfect. So here is some voice records dictated and not edit to be honest, so be nice please:
11/19/25 -
It's been a while since I last checked in with a voice note. I'm not sure why I haven’t been consistent, but it’s probably because life gets busy. I easily get sidetracked or hyper-focused on a single project, ignoring others that need attention. There’s no denying I have a lot on my plate right now. Although I thrive amidst many ongoing projects, it frustrates me when I drop the ball on one. Currently, my schoolwork is where I’m falling behind, with everything due by midnight Eastern Standard Time on the 23rd. I know I’ll get it done, but I can’t help thinking that if my depression hadn't interfered, I might be in a better place. I have to remind myself not to be too hard on myself because living with major depressive disorder means experiencing highs and lows, yet I have to keep pushing forward.
Today's frustration came from my attempt to donate plasma, which ended in disqualification. Although I suspected this might happen, I still made the commitment at 10:15 in the morning to head over. I might have ordinarily dismissed the idea as too late, as I often do, but I’m proud that I made the effort and arrived punctually. Unfortunately, due to my blood pressure—or rather, my pulse—I couldn’t donate. It's disappointing, but it is what it is.
I plan to try again tomorrow with a fresh start. The goal is to get up early, shower, and head out once more to see if I can donate. Giving up isn’t an option. Perhaps my efforts will be more successful this time. I have a suspicion that my lack of exercise this past week might be affecting my blood pressure. I'll need to consider that. For now, though, I'm back home, ready to dive into some studying before getting a good night’s sleep, with hopes to tackle tomorrow with renewed energy.
11/11/25 -
Reflecting on the past few days, I've realized just how much I've been avoiding putting my thoughts into words. Since my last entry on the 7th—just before the weekend—I've neither recorded any voice messages nor blogged. The process of expressing what's on my mind seems to have become an uphill battle, even as it becomes slightly easier over time. There's a part of me that's resistant, almost like a voice cautioning me against revealing anything, as if sharing my story would be an act of betrayal.
My communication skills, admittedly, are lacking, possibly inherited from my parents who themselves struggled with open dialogue. Even now, conveying my story remains a challenge, though to a select few—those I trust—I'm able to open up. The experiences I endured, sadly, aren't unique. So many have faced similar traumas, like being molested or raped by family members. I myself was a victim of my father's assault. It's a harsh reality that such violations are more common than we want to admit, with one in four women experiencing some form of sexual assault in their lives.
Speaking out about my experiences holds power for both me and others who might be helped by my openness. Through sharing, I aim to unburden myself of the weight of secrecy, to allow space for healing. It's a slow process, one that requires patience and perseverance, but each step forward is progress.
Today, my day is filled with studying and contributing to my blog. I've also been doing work for a writer I know, whom I'll refrain from naming here. Preserving people's anonymity feels important to me, perhaps out of a concern for their privacy and my own protection. There's an underlying fear that by sharing details, I might inadvertently cause them trouble or invite disbelief about my story. It's a delicate balance between truth-telling and protecting those intertwined with my experiences.
With those thoughts laid out, I feel it's time to wrap this up. I plan to publish my musings and continue navigating the day as best as I can. Until next time, I carry on with a cautious optimism.
11/7/25 -
It's a moment past 11 p.m. on November 7th, and I find myself overwhelmed with exhaustion. This isn't about a lack of motivation; it's more about the yearning desire for completion. With five or six months still looming before me, I'm left weary, longing for a break that feels perpetually just out of reach. The all-consuming nature of my studies seems to have eclipsed every other facet of my life, leaving me drained and eager for the future I've envisioned.
The future I yearn for starts with becoming a Medical Office and Billing Specialist. This position is my stepping stone, a critical first step towards my ultimate goal. From here, I aspire to venture into FBA, delve into blogging, and eventually carve out a path as a life coach. This vision is vivid; I just need to overcome this initial hurdle to escape the grip of financial strain. I'm weary of the persistent struggle with poverty—like the kind that has me baking sugar cookies for sustenance until I can donate plasma for a few extra dollars to cover impending bills.
I'm exhausted from abandoning my Cinderella story, yet I stand ready to build my own story, even if there's no Prince Charming on the horizon. I intended to transcribe these feelings into a blog post, but each time I start, I find myself stifled, hesitant to speak out. There's a reluctance to voice my struggles, fearing that sharing might impose on others or become burdensome.
Still, I am determined to share this. Telling my story isn't just about finding release for myself; it's about embracing my right to have a voice. This is my effort to step out from the shadows, to not just work through my own challenges but perhaps offer solidarity to someone else navigating their own darkness. It's time to let my voice be heard, to emerge from obscurity, and take charge of my narrative.